I have been having a lot of hard times lately. Its been so bad that's its been giving me bad thoughts. First off it does not have anything to do with Will or our marriage. Its just other areas of my life. I don't have any friends outside of kung fu. Other than Cara and we never even see each other and we rarely talk. So its like were not really friends anymore but just buds in passing. I just really feel like I am losing a lot of my faith in God. The more and more I think about it the more and more I feel upset with him other things. I am to the point were I don't know what to do. At times I don't even want to be here, its like I would be better off dead than alive. I know we all have these thoughts at one time or another. But I am having mine once more and I am sure it wont be the last time. I just feel bad about the thoughts I keep having. I don't feel like I am being a very good Christian right now. I feel like God hates me or does not love me as much as he does others....