I called my Father tonight on my way home from kungfu. I suppose everything went well, I was not sure how things should go or what to say. It was almost like meeting a really cute boy for the first time and just want to turn red and run the other way. We talked for about 20 minutes about work, kungfu, and that was about it. Although is could have been a very positive move for me I still feel like I lost something. Not that there was anything to give. I just feel like me making the first call or move so to speek that I look weak. Just like the can screw up and agian and I will just coming running back over time. But its really not that way. I dont know what it just I just think I have been feeling really bad about how much I was set on never speeking to the man even agian. I know that it is possible for people to change I am just not sure that its possiable for anyone in my life to change. And change is what I am totally agianst I would never want to marrie or date or be a friend to someone and try to change them, even though they might do things that I do not like. I guess change for the good of man kind is in a different league. I am just starting to wonder if it was the right thing to do, of if I should have waited for him to approach me. That way to prove that I am just something to be tossed around nor heart just anytime someone get the urge.

My Mom says I need to be have relationships with people almost like practice for marriage. Yet it does not stay anything in the Bible ( that I have read) about dating. Which does not mean it is not there because I have never even come close to reading the whole thing. But what I do know is that it says to forgive and forget, and that is something that I need to do. Forgive is so must for easy that forgetting. I have not heard from in well over a year maybe even or year and a half. But I did not forget no matter how hard I tryed. When I got off the phone my chest started to heart maybe from working out or maybe because I have got so much anger built up about one people. Not mention eveyone else that i live with. Its just going to be one of those things that I am going to have to get through, but how to do I just go over there and say "hey whats up?" yeah know? Things just are not that simple. I have not spent or seen him in two christmas now I know it was only two but alot happens. Do you try to catch up on things? Or just simply just let by gones be gone?

I guess I will have alot of thinging to do, however I am going to just try to clear my mind for the next couple or day, look at some awesome cars. Dream of what mine will be like, and just face the facts when I get back home.